It was not until I was married that I began to see myself as a loser. Now I had lots of issues and many of them dealt with my own feelings of self-worth. I saw myself as a failure and had doubts as to whether or not I would ever amount to anything, but it was marriage that led me to define myself as a loser.
My wife did not know the man she married. She did not know I was a crossdresser. She did not know that I had lived for seven years as a girl. She did not know that for the better part of three years, my older brother — the man who stood at my side as my best man on my wedding day — had fucked me probably as many as two hundred times. She did not know he did so because for these three years and about an year and a half before, I had been his girlfriend. With so many lies and secrets, it is any wonder are marriage only lasted seven years — with the last five being marriage only in the legal sense of the word.
Two years into our marriage, when we were already struggling as a married couple, Ann learned that I was a crossdresser. This was the final straw for her. She shut me out of her bedroom and invited almost every other man into Spokane into her bedroom. Now at first it was just a failed marriage that we clung to for our own reasons. But then her girl’s night out became all-nighters. It became increasingly obvious she was fucking other guys. And then she stopped pretending. She made it known what she was doing. And then in time, she started to bring the men home. I would lay in bed and listen to her getting fucked. And in an odd twist of fate, she began leaving her bedroom door open and I would often watch her getting fucked as I stood in the darkened hallway. Sometimes our eyes met.
I have a small cock and she let it be known that most men who fucked her had bigger cocks and fucked her better. She began throwing out the term ‘loser’ and not just about my cock size or my sexual skills. I was a loser at work. I had been a loser at school. I drank too much which made me a loser. I did not make much money so I was a loser. We stayed married for five years because . . . Oh who the fuck knows. Deep down I thinked I loved the abuse I got from her and I think part of her loved abusing me. Maybe it was as simple as that.
Yes my wife was fucked by some black men. But I can not ever recall that she expressed an preference for them or ever commented on their size. I did however have a friend from work who only dated black men. And she often talked about black men as better in bed than white guys. (There was nothing shy about Judy.) So on those rare occasions I knew Ann was with a black man, I felt somewhat certain she was getting a good hard fuck.
So much of what I hear in this video above, I heard first from her.
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